At its core, this is a way for people to regain control over their “weak” emotions by showing power. Based on this information, the author put together the following definition: shame is a deeply painful sensation that stems from the belief that we’re not good enough, and that this shortcoming will prevent us from being accepted by and belonging to a group.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) summary - Blinkist I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) summary - Blinkist

Instead of a synopsis or thinly veiled attempt at sounding studious, I thought I'd extract a few quotes that, while written about and for a female audience, hit home for me and that I think are representative of the importance of the work presented in this volume. Though the things that trigger shame are different for men and women, the feelings are the same. However, there is great relief in understanding the experience is universally experienced (hence, the title).

What is a good quote from I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

This book didn't make me feel less alone. It did make me realize, though, that to have true empathy with someone you need to realize you aren't there to fix or better them. You're there to listen, and hear what they are ashamed of, and help them with that. And recognize the same feelings (for whatever reasons you have) in yourself. It’s primarily a little step toward assisting you in recognizing when you’re ashamed. The key to altering your reaction to a circumstance is to see yourself from the outside at any given time. We will become more alienated if we allow ourselves to become caught in a perpetual avoidance of our genuine feelings. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and seek the empathy you need to heal rather than become a victim of these destructive behaviors. Outlining an empowering new approach that dispels judgment and awakens us to the genuine acceptance of ourselves and others, I Thought It Was Just Me begins a crucial new dialogue of hope. Through potent personal narratives and examples from real women, Brown identifies and explains four key elements that allow women to transform their shame into courage, compassion and connection. Shame is a dark and sad place in which to live a life, keeping us from connecting fully to our loved ones and being the women we were meant to be. But learning how to understand shame’s influence and move through it toward full acceptance of ourselves and others takes away much of shame’s power to harm.

I Thought It Was Just Me Reading Guide - Brené Brown

Brené calls this critical awareness. For example when she noticed her audience dose off during a talk she gave, she said she knew they only had a short lunch break and that the promised pizza was most peoples’ major incentive to be there in the first place. Thus, she prevented going into shame mode and kept her cool. Casandra Brené Brown is an American research professor, lecturer, author, and podcast host. Brown is known in particular for her research on shame, vulnerability, and leadership. A long-time researcher and academic, Brown became famous following a widely viewed TEDx talk in 2010. Book details

That being said, when the author interviewed over 300 people about how they experience shame, she discovered a theme; shame is a negative feeling connected to a sense of rejection and the exposure of aspects of ourselves that we tend to hide. And I can see why I struggle with shame - it's hard to even share that synopsis, knowing that nobody wants to touch messy feelings of shame in any way. There are plenty of uncomfortable topics of conversation that most of us will try to steer clear of, but one subject that people particularly loathe discussing is the emotion of shame. As a result, many of us don’t have a proper understanding of what it really is.