The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them

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This was a very different book to my usual choices and my first “self help style” I’ve read in many years! In essence, there's nothing wrong with a book aimed at a niche, but I would have appreciated it if had been made more clear to me from the book's cover/title/blurb. Our resources are crucial for knowledge lovers everywhere—so if you find all these bits and bytes useful, please pitch in.

For me, learning to be more ‘selfish’ was about understanding I didn’t have to be a martyr to be a good partner, colleague or friend. But, if you struggle to set boundaries this book serves as a good entry point…just don’t rely on it exclusively to address why you might struggle with boundaries in the first place.

Having come through that journey myself and lost a lot of friends as a result is that I don't regret it for a single second because… any relationship that was lost due to boundaries, these are relationships that should have gone anyway. When you are burned out and exhausted, or when there are people you can't trust in your life, either because you fear confrontation or engage in excessive people pleasing, it’s time to prioritize yourself, Elman said. To mark the launch of her new book, she's revealed the joys of being selfish, how it's changed her life - and can change yours, too.

Her realistic approach to loving yourself is refreshing, and her posts are an important reminder that loving yourself isn't automatic. Elman used to let hurtful comments slide and feel the resentment build up in her afterwards, but now she employs those simple words in the moment to signal a boundary violation. When you stop striving to be seen as a good wife, friend, employee, mother or daughter, it gives you permission to realize that you are a good person not because of what you can give or provide, but because of who you are. This remarkable book grapples with the wider implications of Michelle's experiences and the complex interplay between beauty and illness. It has helped steer me in the right direction, and just by reading it, I get braver in how I interact with the world around me.

She claims to be able to help you rid your life of drama and toxic relationships which will allow you to love yourself and others in the best way you can. Likewise, setting a boundary isn’t about being confrontational; you can vocalise a need respectfully and without becoming emotional or aggressive. From setting boundaries with friendships, phones, family, your body and much more, and with funny and informative illustrations, this important, playful and empowering book is a one-stop guide to creating the rules to your own life, and knowing when it's okay to say NO!

In a world where dating advice seems to come either too late, too confusing or too strict, The Selfish Romantic makes dating fun again by reminding you that you are the one to prioritize and fall in love with. Whether it’s work, romance, family or friends, Michelle will guide you through the process of setting boundaries. Known for her direct approach, her insight empowers people to stand in their power, set boundaries, and live life more honestly. Right now, working from home and skyrocketing anxiety over job losses means the normal boundaries between our work lives and our private lives have been largely been eroded.While there are many good things about this book, unfortunately the advice on dependence by someone who is so clearly still exploring and going through the journey themself makes for confused and infuriating reading. But first you have to believe you deserve to put yourself first, stand up for yourself and set boundaries. This does include me to an extent, and honestly as this was gifted by a friend I got a lot more out of this than I thought I might. And for those of us who were stuck alone in lockdown, I learnt that if I didn’t ask for help when I needed it, I wasn’t going to get it. This is a well-written and well-argued book about why we all need boundaries in our lives and relationships, whether with family, friends, colleagues, or romantic partners.